Pause Before the Pattern

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© 2026 Breaking the Bond | Original educational resource | 1
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FACILITATOR GUIDE / 90 MINUTES / 1 OF 4
Pause Before the Pattern
Adults in residential or outpatient groups, with a facilitator working within their training and setting. Original
session plan informed by established clinical concepts; not a validated protocol, certification, or full
treatment curriculum.
What participants will practice
Participants can identify two early anger cues, rehearse a safe pause statement, and write one
specific practice action with a time and support option.
Prepare before group
Choose a mild frustration for demonstration. Avoid reenactments of abuse or intimidating behavior.
If a participant has current violence risk, arrange appropriate assessment rather than relying on this
group. Print both pages of Notice Anger Earlier: My Pause & Repair Plan for each participant. Bring
pens, a board, and a timer. Review the worksheet and your setting's safety procedures before
facilitating.
Choice, dignity & safety
Offer passing, private writing, drawing, or a fictional example. Invite consent before pair work.
Explain confidentiality limits and that peers' confidentiality cannot be guaranteed. Ask for no
graphic stories or unsolicited advice. Use your setting's risk and escalation procedures.
90-minute session map
0-10 welcome and choice; 10-20 teach and model; 20-35 guided reflection; 35-50 optional sharing;
50-55 reset; 55-75 skill rehearsal; 75-85 action plan; 85-90 close.
Teaching focus
Normalize anger as an emotion while holding clear responsibility for behavior. Teach a brief
sequence: notice cues, pause safely, reconsider the interpretation, choose an accountable next
action. A pause should support safety and later problem-solving, not punish or silence another
person.


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© 2026 Breaking the Bond | Original educational resource | 2
Print for yourself or your professional sessions. Do not resell or redistribute the files.
FACILITATOR GUIDE / 90 MINUTES / 2 OF 4
Open, Teach & Explore
Use the timing as a guide. Adapt the delivery to access needs while protecting practice time.
0-10 / Welcome and establish choice
Say: "Today we will look for the moment before a reaction. You can use an everyday example, write
privately, or pass." Review agreements. Ask: "What would make this conversation useful and
manageable?" Invite a one-word check-in without requiring a personal story.
10-20 / Teach and model
Write four headings: event, cues, interpretation, response. Model: a shared task is left unfinished;
shoulders tighten; the thought is "They do not care"; the urge is to snap. Ask: "What is observable,
and what is a guess?" Add an alternative explanation without insisting that it is true.
20-35 / Worksheet page 1
Give 7 minutes for sections 1-4, reading prompts aloud if helpful. Circulate without looking over
shoulders. Ask permission before helping. If someone says "I just explode," ask: "What could a
camera notice one moment earlier?" Allow a fictional example. Invite one alternative interpretation.
35-50 / Process without debating
Offer pairs or private reflection for 5 minutes, then invite group observations. Ask: "Which early cue
could give you time to act? What does anger signal that matters to you?" Reflect the need without
approving threats or harm. If blame takes over, return to the participant's controllable response.


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© 2026 Breaking the Bond | Original educational resource | 3
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FACILITATOR GUIDE / 90 MINUTES / 3 OF 4
Practice, Plan & Close
Rehearsal is optional. Observe the skill rather than rating the person.
50-55 / Reset
Offer water, quiet, or an optional seated stretch. Do not require closed eyes or breathing exercises.
Check privately with anyone showing distress and follow your setting's procedures.
55-75 / Worksheet page 2 and rehearsal
Allow 5 minutes for sections 5-7. Model a pause statement with a safe check-back plan. In pairs,
each willing speaker practices for 2 minutes, followed by 1 minute of feedback; switch roles. The
listener stays neutral and does not provoke. Use remaining time to discuss safe return,
accountability, and respecting no-contact boundaries.
75-85 / Make the action specific
Complete section 8: one cue, one response, one practice time. Ask: "How confident are you, 0-10?
What would make this more doable?" If confidence is low, invite a smaller step. Check that the plan
follows program rules and does not depend on another person changing.
85-90 / Close
Invite one takeaway or a pass. Say: "Feeling anger does not remove your choices or responsibility.
Practice helps us notice a possible choice sooner." Review homework and how to reach staff or
support if distress rises.
Optional practice scenario
A roommate leaves dishes in a shared area. The speaker notices jaw tension and wants to criticize
them. Practice a brief pause, then an appropriate request about the shared task. Do not use an
active abusive relationship for rehearsal.
Feedback prompts
Ask: "Was the cue clear? Was the pause safe and respectful? Was the next action within the
speaker's control?" Avoid voting on who was right. If harm has occurred, repair requires
responsibility and respect for the other person's boundaries; an apology does not require
forgiveness.


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© 2026 Breaking the Bond | Original educational resource | 4
Print for yourself or your professional sessions. Do not resell or redistribute the files.
FACILITATOR GUIDE / 90 MINUTES / 4 OF 4
Carry the Skill Forward
Use clinical judgment. This resource supports, rather than replaces, individualized assessment and
treatment.
Homework & next-session review
On one manageable occasion before the next session, note the cue, intensity, action, and outcome.
Review what was learned, even if the plan was not used. Ask: "What might help you notice it earlier
next time?"
Adaptations & stuck points
For low literacy, draw a body outline and circle cues. For shame, distinguish a harmful action from a
global identity label. For escalating agitation, stop the exercise, create space, involve staff, and
follow protocol. This is not a substitute for violence assessment or specialized intervention for
coercive control.
Facilitator review & documentation
Check whether willing participants named two cues and rehearsed a pause. Note the specific next
action and any requested support. Document observable participation and skill practice under your
setting's requirements; do not document improvement that was not observed.
Clinical background & further reading
These original prompts and activities are not copied from the listed worksheets or manuals. Source organizations have not
endorsed this resource. Links checked October 30, 2026.
SAMHSA (2019). Anger Management for Substance Use Disorder and Mental Health Clients: A Cognitive-Behavioral
Therapy Manual.
https://library.samhsa.gov/sites/default/files/anger_management_manual_508_compliant.pdf